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  • men in bars: wow I sure hope this girl doesn't reject me
  • women in bars: wow I sure hope that guy looking at me isn't a literal murderer

allthingstechtheatre:

whitehairkun:

uhhsage:

petitiontobringbackthedodobird:

"Mom, Dad…I’m a thespian."

*aggressively snaps while dramatically exiting stage right*

december-whether-or-not

"The Bible says Adam and Eve,

not *snap snap* *jazz hands* and *dramatic leave*”

Mom: “your just going through a stage”

Me: “no mom, I’m going on stage” *strikes dramatic pose*

  • *watches a movie*
  • *sees a dog*
  • me: if something happens to that dog I sWEAR TO GOD

original-plastic:

Homosexuality is unnatural! It says so in this book where snakes talk, people come back from the dead, a guy walks on water, and a virgin has a baby.

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karcuttle:

me: *accidentally makes a noise that sounds like a fart*
me: *makes noise 500 more times so anyone who heard it knows i did not fart*

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